2019 Queen’s Speech to come from Lidl

BARGAIN-PRICE keyboard rather than gilded grand piano.

Buckingham Palace Spokesperson, Sir Eton Mess, has proposed that next year’s Christmas Day broadcast could be recorded in Lidl rather than the White Drawing Room at Buckingham Palace.

“There was so much fuss about the gold piano in this year’s broadcast, we propose that throughout 2019 the Royal family should appear in surroundings that the public can relate to.”

“What could be more festive than a cut-price supermarket at Christmas? Lidl originates from Germany so the Queen couldn’t feel more at home.”

“We are going to position her Majesty amongst the doormats, duct tape, fur-lined imitation crocs, paint brush sets, air fryers and novelty golf balls.”

“Some people think this is going too far. We shouldn’t have to punish the royals for just one gold piano. No-one is quite sure where it came from. I bet it could have been left by Sir Elton – he is always hanging around the palace after weddings and funerals.”

“Did you know the piano is decorated with ‘singeries’ – comical scenes showing monkeys playing musical instruments and generally causing mischief? They inspired us to relocate to an aisle in Lidl.”

“I am sure the supermarket will benefit from the publicity. Palace footmen already pop in there for olive oil and Serrano ham. The Queen will probably pick up some flannelette pyjamas and a raised toilet seat for the Duke of Edinburgh while she is there.”

Photo of Lidl by ‘The Daily Squabble’

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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