Actual Queen reassures anxious nation that she is paid a shed-load more than the Duke of Edinburgh

Queen

REALITY more than counterbalances ‘The Crown’ gender pay-gap scandal.

Following the revelation that relative unknown Claire Foy was paid less than ex-Doctor Who, Matt Smith, for their roles in ‘The Crown’, the Queen has reassured that nation that no such nonsense exists in reality.

“No-one gets paid more than the Queen,” said her Majesty.

“And all those millions soon add up as I am notoriously frugal.”

“I never buy gadgets. Still have an iPod Classic – and that was foisted upon me.”

“I don’t have a plasma tv, nutribullet or a Fitbit.”

“No Apple Watch for me. I don’t even like real apples – might pull my teeth out.”

“It makes perfect sense that I receive billions more in investment income than the Duke of Edinburgh.”

“What on earth would he spend it on?”

“Personally, as Queen, I should own vast tracts of open moorland that I can rent out to peasants.”

“The Duke only needs a pocket-full of Werther’s Originals, a new top hat and the odd spare wheel for a carriage.”

“Your money is safe in my hands.”

“Get orfe my land!”

 

White House photo by Eric Draper [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

 

Advertisements

About The Daily Squabble

Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

View all posts by The Daily Squabble →