Asda allows you to pawn valuables as deposit at pay-at-the-pump

AFTER outcry about £99 holding charge, company will now accept your watch or phone instead

Asda suspended its controversial petrol pump deposit trial after a customer outcry.

Certain Asda petrol stations debited customers £99 on top of their fuel purchase.

Asda say that it still requires a holding charge but its new pumps will allow you to deposit your watch, phone or jewellery as a deposit for your transaction.

Gavin Rowlocks, tracksuit wearing Asda customer, said: “I only wanted ten pounds of diesel. Basically, just enough to drive 100 yards to my estate.”

“I never have more than 20 pounds in my account – so couldn’t buy anything when Asda tried to pre-authorise £99 from my account.”

“Now, these new pumps let me pop my watch or phone inside them – while I fill up. After, you have paid, the pump allegedly spits your valuables back onto the pavement.”

“Some other customers have complained that their valuables aren’t refunded for weeks before being randomly ejected.”

“I ran over a phone that was spat out of the machine just as I arrived.”

“I won’t be using pay at the pump fuel stations for the foreseeable future,” said Mr Rowlocks.

“I posted an old iPhone into the pump and it wouldn’t give me any more than 5 pounds of diesel. Admittedly, the battery life on my phone is crap.”

“Luckily, someone had dropped a diamond encrusted intimate piercing on the floor and I used that.”

“Bring back manned stations and give people work is what I say.”

“This new system can be confusing for some people.”

“An old lady in front of me posted her car keys into the pump and she is still there a week later.”


Photo by ‘The Daily Squabble



About The Daily Squabble

Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

View all posts by The Daily Squabble →