Boxing fans thwarted from booking pay-per-view by their non-opposable thumbs

Boxing match

POTENTIAL loss in earnings for cross-code money-spinning abomination.

Stacey Gubbins, a local exotic dancer, has complained that her pre-hominid boyfriend, Darren, has been unable to book Mayweather v McGregor on pay-per-view.

“This is the biggest, most eagerly anticipated boxing bout in all time and my boyfriend is denied from seeing it.”

“He can’t grasp phones properly,” explained Stacey. “Him and his mates have not yet evolved human-like thumbs, which makes dealing with technology very difficult.”

“He can’t input his credit card number into the keypad.”

“Communication has never been Darren’s strong-point. He can only grunt and point to indicate which one of his basic needs require satisfying.”

“When we first started going out I thought he said he was an osteopath, turns out he meant ‘Australopithecus’. They all love boxing.”

“From his latest guttural grunts, I have deduced that he wants to watch some old boxer fight a mixed martial artist – who is presumably armed with some kind of stick or nunchaku.”

“It doesn’t float my boat but it takes all sorts!”

“It’s so unfair. He can’t even book it via the Sky call centre as he only knows three words: ‘want’, ‘tattoo’ and ‘BMW’.”

“He has trudged off to the barber now to cheer himself up.”

“His peaky-blinders haircut and slightly ginger, hipster beard need tweaking.”


Photo by  Glenn Francis