SPANISH government has been inspired by Nicola Sturgeon to repeatedly whine about territorial claims like a broken record.
“We have finally come up with an ingenious way to shut the Spanish up,” claimed Foreign Office Spokesperson, Eton Mess.
“They have been banging on about Gibraltar since we seized it from them, fairly and squarely, in 1703.”
“To settle their territorial claim, we are going to transfer the Isle of Wight hook, line and sinker into Spanish sovereignty.”
“It’s a fair swap!”
“One is populated with inbred, hairy, s**t-flinging apes who bite tourists and steal their sunglasses.”
“Gibraltar is fairly similar.”
“We are never going to give up Gibraltar as we always need an accessible tax haven for multi-millionaires and you can pop over the Spanish border for some decent tapas.”
“The Isle of Wight has a lot going for it. It’s much bigger and proudly boasts of being the dinosaur capital of Great Britain!”
“If you ever tire of combing the beaches for fossils, you can experience the white-knuckle thrills of filling glass receptacles with layers of different coloured sand at Alum Bay!”
“The ultimate bargaining chip is that the Isle of Wight has got Monkey Haven Zoo!”
“Not only does Monkey Haven house Barbary macaques – just like Gibraltar, it’s also got lemurs and squirrel monkeys – all sensibly locked behind bars so they can’t bite and give you rabies!”
“Sure, the Isle of Wight doesn’t have a strategic military position at the entrance to the Mediterranean and the weather is currently s**t but, with President Trump encouraging more global warming, it’s got to be a sound investment.”
Ape Photograph by Adam63 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons