Car Manufacturers: Thanks for not fitting new cars with spare wheels ! Brilliant idea if you like spending quality time on hard shoulders or in service stations.

Flat tyre

MOTORISTS have reacted with unbridled joy to not having access to a spare wheel.

“It’s not as if I was planning to go anywhere,” said Gavin Rowlocks, stranded in a supermarket car-park for three hours due to a nail through his Mazda’s rear offside tyre.

“In the old days, I wouldn’t have had all this fun.

I would have just heaved a spare wheel out of the boot and then – perhaps with the help of some of the more macho men in the car-park – the car would have been jacked up, wheel changed and I would have been home in 10 minutes.

Now, all I have is a small can of instant rubber solution. I am meant to unscrew the valve of the tyre, squeeze a can of mystery white liquid into it, spin the wheel around and gingerly drive away, hoping the ‘repair’ holds.

I am going to need very good luck repairing a 6mm nail hole with a small bottle of liquid latex.”

Gavin didn’t have any luck. We caught up with him the next day.

“Eventually, I had to call the AA,” he said. “A nice man yanked the nail out and pushed a rubber bung into the puncture. We both prayed that it held.

The AA van followed me all the way to Kwikfit, 20 minutes away, monitoring my back wheel.

When I got there, Kwikfit didn’t have the right tyre for my Mazda and had to order one. I left the car there and got a taxi home.

I wouldn’t be surprised if my new tyre has to come on a very slow boat from Japan.”

Stephen Slither, Car Salesman, said: “I am afraid we simply couldn’t fit a spare wheel in Mr Rowlock’s car.

If you lift up the mat in the boot, you will find that the entire space is taken up by a massive sub-woofer!”

People demand very high-class entertainment in their automobiles these days.”

“That’s all very well,” said Gavin Rowlocks. “But at the end of the day, a car is a mode of transport not an (occasionally) mobile nightclub.

I wouldn’t expect a jumbo jet to have a hot-tub installed on one of it’s wings instead of a second engine!

Still, I was able to listen to Jay-Z for 2 hours on my Bose stereo, while marooned in a car park.

Now my battery is flat.”

 

Photograph by: Pixabay

In order to try and mend tyres like the professionals, we have ordered one of these kits to try:

http://amzn.to/2gkutuk

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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