Man who charged car battery now thinks he is genius mechanic!

Car Battery being charged
Eat your heart out: Vin Diesel !

Local Resident, Gavin Rowlocks, is immensely proud of his mechanical prowess. He managed to recharge his car battery after his vehicle failed to start.

“Yes, I parked it all night with its lights on!”, said Mr Rowlocks. “I wondered why it was beeping at me when I locked the door. Now I am a self-trained fully qualified mechanic, maybe I can understand the manual.”

“When my car refused to start, I felt like crying but the recharging process turned out to be surprisingly simple.”

“I connected the red charger lead to the positive battery terminal, connected the black one to the negative, plugged the charger in and randomly stabbed at its mysterious buttons with my clean, soft, pale office-fingers until it seemed to be doing something.”

“24 hours later, my ride roared into life and I went cruising down the high street with my window down and Celine Dion blaring out of my stereo.”

“After my success with my new Halfords’ car charger, I feel like a real man.”

“I even got my hands a little oily but it all washed off with Fairy Liquid. I seem to have developed a rash on my knuckles since but I am keeping them well moisturised with vaseline.”

“I think I could now legitimately present ‘Top Gear’ and fake a bromance with that hunky Matt LeBlanc.”

“There is nothing stopping me pimping my whole car now. Maybe I will install some nitrous oxide flame-guns on its rear end – just like ‘Fast & Furious’.”

“I bet Dominic Toretto has never recharged the battery of a VW Polo!”

Edmund Bilstein, the Daily Squabbble’s Gadget Twat, said, “You aren’t meant to attach the black lead to the battery!”

“That can cause a dangerous spark which could ignite the highly explosive hydrogen gas venting off the battery.”

“You are meant to attach it to the engine block!”

Mr Rowlocks said, “Where’s the engine block?”



Car battery photograph by:




About The Daily Squabble

Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

View all posts by The Daily Squabble →