Church Commissions Drive-Through Baptisms Follows success of drive-through Ash Wednesday service

Drive through baptism

FATHER Dermot O’Beery has implemented a highly efficient drive-through baptism service.

St Swithin’s Church, in Much Craplock, offers people the traditional sacrament from the comfort of their cars.

All parishioners have to do is to wind down their car windows and drive through a torrent of Holy Water whilst beeping their car horns to renounce Satan.

The church’s modern approach was designed to appeal to those who do not have time to attend traditional services.

“We’ve assessed the Parish,” said Father O’Beery. “People and families are on the move all the time. It’s about ministering to people where they are. We’re in changing times, being open to innovative ideas and trying not to be judgemental.”

Penitent locals drove through the modified car wash, were exorcised from original sin and sped off before anyone could take a collection.

The quick and easy services have been described as ‘wet’ and ‘underwhelmingly respectful’.

“We baptised people with doctors’ appointments, factory workers, parents, farmers, kids, busloads of people,” said Father O’Beery.

“There are multiple benefits: you get a nice clean vehicle and, if you fatally crash on the way home, you go straight to heaven.”

“That’s as long as you haven’t sworn at any other drivers in the meantime.”

“It went a lot smoother than last month’s launch of my drive-through funeral service.”

Car in ditch
Rest in Peace!

 

 

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Photograph of car wash: Pixabay
Car in ditch: http://maxpixel.freegreatpicture.com/Slipped-Off-Dare-Wreck-Dig-Accident-Car-Accident-811078
Public Domain under https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/deed.en

 

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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