Ed Sheeran: Number 1. Is he singing about a ‘Magna Doodle’? Public confused.


INTERPRETING the lyrics to Ed Sheeran’s smash hit, ‘Shape of You’, has divided the residents of Much Craplock. What is he actually trying to say?

Stacey Gubbins said: “I think he is clearly singing about the child’s toy the ‘Magna Doodle’ – as featured in ‘Friends’. The lyric is ‘we push and pull like a Magna Doodle.'”

“You yank back and forwards on a lever to wipe messages off that type of drawing toy. That’s what he is referring to – erasing memories of previous love affairs. He just mumbles the end of ‘Doodle’ when he realises it doesn’t rhyme with ‘you’ in the previous line.”

Dr Sally Doolally, from the League of Psychologists said: “Just what we need, yet another song going on about ‘bodies’. In the current chart, Ed is ‘in love with your body”, Zara Larsson ‘wants to get under your sexy body’ and Hailee Steinfeld, when not singing about tasting people in ‘Starving’ (yuk!), brazenly boasts ‘you do things to my body’. What a little hussy!”

“Have they all run out of vocabulary? It’s all getting a bit biological? What about my brilliant mind and sparkling conversation Ed? Aren’t you in love with that too? Is it really just my body you are interested in? How dare you. Why don’t you actually spit out the truth and say it’s just my genitals you are interested in? He could easily rhyme genitals with decibels, pedestals or edibles – that last one would suit Hailee Steinfeld.”

Peregrine Snook commented: “Yes, Mr Sheeran is clearly singing about a Magna Doodle. It’s impossible to rhyme ‘shape of you’ with ‘push and pull like a magnet do’ unless you are completely illiterate. It should be ‘magnet does’, then the previous line could be ‘I’m in love with the shape of cuz’. We all love our cousins around here.”

Dr Sally Doolally said: “I would love Ed Sheeran to be in love with the shape of my body. I do find that scenario highly unlikely though as, due to childbirth, the ravages of time and merciless effects of gravity he would have to love a square bottom, whale bone corset and tena-lady-lined control pants.”

“I still live in hope of benefiting from his massive bank balance when he succumbs to my cougarish allure.”

“As he proves, time and time again, you can play many a good tune on an old ukulele.”

Ed Sheeran Photograph by Eva Rinaldi [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia
Magna Doodle photo by Regregex (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons
Both modified by ‘The Daily Squabble’

About The Daily Squabble

Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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