FREEZING motorist risks double-pneumonia to eke out meagre range of hybrid vehicle.
Gavin Rowlocks, Amateur Eco-Warrior, is nursing a nasty case of man-flu after his attempt at an electric-only commute badly misfired.
“My new hybrid car proudly boasts of a 33-mile range just on battery power,” explained Mr Rowlocks.
“I jumped in it this morning. The dash said ‘Charge Complete’ and the range said 24 miles!’
“What a rip-off!”
“By the time I had driven 100 yards to a roundabout it said ’21 miles’.”
“I think the advertised 33 miles must have been measured on a friction-free test-track constructed down the side of a tropical mountain.”
“Suddenly, I had a brain-wave. I switched the heater and air-conditioning off.”
“My range jumped to 25 miles – result!”
“I actually got all the way to work and back again with no carbon emissions – apart from my own that tend to seep out when I am over-excited.”
“All my colleagues now want a ride in my car of the future.”
“I have told them to bring a warm hat and thick gloves.”
“I now feel completely vindicated in spending £35,000 on my new car to save at least 2 pounds in petrol.”
“As an added bonus I haven’t had to charge it up in 3 days while I recover from hypothermia.”
“The savings keep mounting up.”
“I would like to think I was doing all this for environmental reasons rather than saving money, but, if truth be known, I would love a bit more global warming so I never have to switch the car heater on.”
“I wonder what happens if I never turn the headlights on, don’t indicate and turn the radio off.”