PROPOSED level of security probing will make your eyes water.
Euro security bosses intend to intimately search all British holidaymakers following the UK’s withdrawal from the European Union.
A special factory has been set up in Frankfurt to churn out the 66 million pairs of rubber gloves required by Customs Officials policing the borders of the Schengen zone.
Critics of the scheme say it will make the current outrageous delays at European airports even worse.
“Nonsense,” said Betty Croissant, a French Customs Officer.
“You wanted out of Europe, so you are getting your just desserts!”
“We will be highly suspicious of any British people wanting to visit us in the future.”
“We don’t know if British tourists are actually ‘remainers’ or whether they are just using us. Coming over here to smuggle some of our glamorous European goods back into their grey, little, depressed country trying to avoid punitive import taxes.”
“We intend to vigorously search each and every one on both their entry and, especially, their exit.”
“Who knows what we might find up there: Bratwurst, chorizo or a clutch of Toblerones.”
“I think you protest too much. It is commonly known that British men and women all love that sort of thing.”
“You might as well start your holiday the way you mean to go on.”
Daisy McNutt, British housewife, said: “Well, as it’s forty degrees over there, at least their fingers will be warm.”
“I still think it’s a little unfair. I voted to stay, so I should only be vigorously probed if I feel like it.”
“I love Europe. I should be allowed to keep my burgundy passport. I could just wave it around and swan through Spanish customs just like the good old days.”
“Brexiteers – if they ever deign to visit Europe – should be forced to carry a different colour passport which indicates that they deserve special security measures.”
“A dark shade of Brown would be highly appropriate.”
Photograph by The Daily Squabble.