Local resident, Daisy McNutt, was stunned when her local garage had the gall to try to sell her a manual car.
“The salesman claimed that some people consider it ‘fun’ to spend half of each journey shifting a gear lever backwards and forwards and pumping one’s leg up and down on a clutch,” complained Mrs McNutt.
“Do they also enjoy the ever-present danger of stalling and being flattened by an oncoming bus if you slightly misjudge the ‘biting-point’. Not to mention the joy of having to steer with one hand?”
“Really? I can live without that type of fun.”
“Who does he think I am? Chris Evans? I just want to reliably get to work.”
“Does the salesman want me to climb out of the window and press blocks of wood onto the wheels when I want the car to slow down. Aren’t automatic brakes an unwarranted, expensive luxury?”
“Can I have a car that needs one of those crank handles to start it?”
“I wouldn’t have to drive to the gym then. I can get a workout on my own drive before every journey.”
“I think I will give up on automated machinery completely. It’s obviously an unnecessary fad.”
“I will dispense with my washing machine and bash all my clothes on a mossy rock next to the local stream? Has anyone got a mangle I can borrow?”
“The stupid car salesman showed me a soft-top sports car and said that this was especially ‘fun’.”
“Yes – fun to see if it has filled with rainwater overnight through a pin-hole in its rag-top. Maybe I could float a couple of ducks in the back.”
“No, wait – it doesn’t have a back! That would be too useful if you wanted to give a lift to more than one person.”
We asked the local car salesman, Darren Fender-Bent, for comment.
“She should just buy an automatic Golf like everyone else.”
“Good luck with the asthma!”
Photograph by Petar Milošević (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons