Garage tries to sell manual car! Are we still in the Middle Ages?

Gear stick
Is this really necessary?

Local resident, Daisy McNutt, was stunned when her local garage had the gall to try to sell her a manual car.

“The salesman claimed that some people consider it ‘fun’ to spend half of each journey shifting a gear lever backwards and forwards and pumping one’s leg up and down on a clutch,” complained Mrs McNutt.

“Do they also enjoy the ever-present danger of stalling and being flattened by an oncoming bus if you slightly misjudge the ‘biting-point’. Not to mention the joy of having to steer with one hand?”

“Really? I can live without that type of fun.”

“Who does he think I am? Chris Evans? I just want to reliably get to work.”

“Does the salesman want me to climb out of the window and press blocks of wood onto the wheels when I want the car to slow down. Aren’t automatic brakes an unwarranted, expensive luxury?”

“Can I have a car that needs one of those crank handles to start it?”

“I wouldn’t have to drive to the gym then. I can get a workout on my own drive before every journey.”

“I think I will give up on automated machinery completely. It’s obviously an unnecessary fad.”

“I will dispense with my washing machine and bash all my clothes on a mossy rock next to the local stream? Has anyone got a mangle I can borrow?”

“The stupid car salesman showed me a soft-top sports car and said that this was especially ‘fun’.”

“Yes – fun to see if it has filled with rainwater overnight through a pin-hole in its rag-top. Maybe I could float a couple of ducks in the back.”

“No, wait – it doesn’t have a back! That would be too useful if you wanted to give a lift to more than one person.”

We asked the local car salesman, Darren Fender-Bent, for comment.

“She should just buy an automatic Golf like everyone else.”

“Good luck with the asthma!”


Photograph by Petar Milošević (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons





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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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