Labour: “We won’t block Brexit!” Daily Squabble: “Please do, it will be hilarious!
Theresa May’s Government received a right old slap in the face this morning, after Supreme Court Justices told them they would have to obey the law.
“What’s the point in being the Government?” asked a dismayed Tory Spokesperson. “Why should we have to conform to the precepts of democracy and respect the sovereignty of parliament? All we are allowed to do is to control the Trident launch triggers and they’re a fat lot of use!
“Who do these ‘Supremes’ think they are and where is Diana Ross when you need her? She used to keep them in check.”
“The only good part of the judgement is that we can tell the Welsh and Scottish devolved administrations to ‘sod off’.”
A Labour Spokesperson said: “We’re not going to frustrate the will of the British people by voting against the referendum result. I, personally, won my seat by accumulating barely a quarter of the available votes and so I would be a hypocrite to say an identical referendum result was not valid.”
“It is now official Labour strategy not to have any coherent policies that people might get excited about, support or make us even vaguely electable. So, griping a little bit about Brexit in the Commons and then meekly accepting it, like a cowed, whipped dog, is our favoured plan”.
“The danger is that Jeremy Corbyn might ‘seek to persuade’ Labour MPs to support Brexit, then we would all have to vote against it or resign – on principle. He’s threatening a 3 line whip, which is appropriate for the actual number of supporters he might have.”
The Daily Squabble says: “For the sake of satirical magazines everywhere, let’s have a right old ding-dong in parliament. We have got mortgages to pay and it would also be totally hilarious.”
“If we don’t do something stupid soon, we might slip down from our much-admired position as the official laughing-stock of the world. We have no manufacturing industries left, all we can export is comedy!”
“Pass the baguettes. Vive les croissants!”