NHS Chaos! GPs unable to google patients’ symptoms.

How can I consult Dr Google?

DISABLED computers result in dramatic drop in diagnoses

GPs across England have been unable to diagnose common ailments after their ancient computers were disabled by ransomware.

Gavin Rowlocks, professional hypochondriac, said: “Whenever I visit the GP, all he does is type in my weird symptoms to Dr Google. He doesn’t even try to conceal the fact. He turns the monitor to face me and we browse the articles together.”

“When I complain that I could have done that at home, he says that it takes 10 years of specialist medical training to know which article to believe. He then invariably plumps for Wikipedia!”

“As he’s been too cheap to update his computer to a modern operating system – his screen had a big notice on it this week: ‘Don’t touch! Infected!”

“Not want you want to see in a medical environment.”

Local resident, Daisy McNutt, agreed: “My doctor didn’t have a clue what was wrong with me. First of all, he suggested that we should go through ‘The Daily Mail’ together to see if any of their alarming heath stories rang a bell.”

“He then turned on the Jeremy Vine show on Radio 2 as he knew that Sarah Jarvis, the competent GP would be on. She was talking testicles so not a lot of use really.”

The Daily Squabble asked Much Craplock’s GP surgery for comment.

The aggressive Practice Manager, Germaine Shepherd, snapped: “It’s not true that our doctors have forgotten how to diagnose without the aid of google. This morning, we purchased an ancient Reader’s Digest ‘Guide to Family Health’ from the charity shop around the corner and successfully diagnosed possible cases of small pox, scurvy and scrofula.”

“All the other patients were referred to consultants.”

“On their wages, they could afford to update to Windows 10.”

 

Photograph by Daniel Sone  [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

 

 

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About The Daily Squabble

Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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