H&M rename ‘Size 16’ as ‘Positively Sylph-like’

SHOPPING brand agrees that UK women know their rightful size

H&M designer, Sven Urinsson, explained why H&M have resized their British clothing range.

“We have found that UK women do not react kindly to finding they are European size 16 when they have been squeezing into a size 12 made by other less-factual manufacturers.”

“To retain our British customer base we have decided to give our clothes names rather than numbers.

Size 8 will be ‘Pocket rocket’.

Size 10: ‘Super-model’.

Size 12: ‘Perfect’.

Size 14: ‘Stunning.’

“Size 16: ‘Positively sylph-like’.

Size 18: Gorgeous.”

Stacey Gubbins, generic British shopper, said: “It is about time that H&M were banged to rights about their sizing policy.”

“Continental women might stay slim on the occasional glass of red wine, a crumb of cheese and some random adultery – but that’s just not sustainable – particularly in our climate.”

“I kicked my chips all around the changing room in fury when I couldn’t fit in a size 14. I had to go for a latte and large slice of cake to recover.”

Ms. Gubbins added: “The names are a good start but could still do with improvement.”

“I know what I call women who are size 8 or 10.”


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