‘LinkedIn’ could be renamed ‘ProfessionalTosser’

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RESIDENTS of Much Craplock reveal what annoying LinkedIn invitations mean to them.

Dr Hardy Weinberg, from the Council of Science, said: “I would personally call the company ‘PainIn’ as in total ‘Pain in the arse.’ I dread looking at my emails for fear that some smarmy, little, junior scientist is trying to ‘connect’ with me to help him or her slither up the greasy career pole. I am just not interested – unless he or she is hot!”

“My fault for signing up I suppose. There was absolutely no point when I was already a Senior Scientist. I rashly did it when my judgement was clouded by half a bottle of Merlot. I promise I have never logged on again. I am too busy making actual decisions to fanny about on a business Facebook.”

Dr Sally Doolally, from the League of Psychologists, said: “Clearly, it should be rechristened ‘ProfessionalTosser’. This would accurately describe most of the people who are desperate to connect with you.”

“Nasty, little, ambitious self-promoting graspers, building their own pathetic personal brand; it’s just not British to be so vain. They constantly brag about the pointless events they have organised; mainly expensive brain-numbing conferences, which produce no output other than a fistful of yet more LinkedIn contacts.”

“I get invitations all the time asking me to connect on LinkedIn. Most of them are from people who have left my profession under dubious circumstances, or are people I rejected at interview. I didn’t want to communicate with them then and I certainly don’t want to now.”

“From LinkedIn LIONS, bemoaning the fact they can only send 3,000 invitations, to answer-trolls, spammers and scammers – who needs it?”

“Get yourself a life, LinkedIn user! Email is more than sufficient for all business needs. If you want to chat to people use Facebook and never invite a business colleague to be a Facebook friend! It always ends in tears.”

“It’s true that ‘relationships matter’ so cut off completely from work when you get home and concentrate on your family, hobbies and pets.”

Peregrine Snook said: “Can you really send 3,000 invitations? I used to be a Non-Executive Director for a company with 3,000 employees. I only bothered to learn the names of five of them and two of them cleaned my office. Five contacts were more than adequate and I regret learning the name of the overly-officious, ugly cleaner.”

“Steadfastly refusing to connect to underlings didn’t do my career any harm – it was the independent auditors that sunk me.”

“If you say it’s mainly populated by tossers, I like the cut of its jib.  I’ll probably find all my old school friends on it – the ones that are currently out of the clink –  birds of a feather and all that.”

“I will sign up later – will you send me an invitation to connect?”

“I don’t want to waste one of my precious 3,000.”

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Photograph by: By LPS.1 (Own work) [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons
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About The Daily Squabble

Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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