Man panics as solar panels produce more electricity than he can use

IMAGINES Theresa May microwaving a bland and tasteless austere lunch with his spare electricity.

On the first day of Spring, local eco-warrior, Gavin Rowlocks was traumatised by his own solar panels.

“These panels were installed in December and they haven’t produced very much yet,” said Mr Rowlocks.

“Recently, they have been under a foot of snow – thanks to those Russians!”

“Finally, this lunchtime, their control panel lit up like a Christmas tree announcing that not only were the panels finally creaking into life – they were actually exporting spare energy to the National Grid.”

“Exporting! Any Tom, Dick or Harry could be helping themselves to my electricity.”

“Sun’s out! I screamed and the whole family had to run around switching on all available appliances.”

“The oven, slow cooker, washing machine, dishwasher, kettle and toaster weren’t enough of a demand.”

“I turned on the immersion heater and ran an extension lead to my neighbour’s hybrid car.”

“That sucked 10 kilowatts but still the clouds refused to obscure the sun.”

“All I could imagine was Laura Kuenssberg leering at me while she straightened her hair with my electricity.”

“Finally, I had to turn on the tumble dryer on – with nothing in it – to stop the rot.”

“It’s sunset now – thank goodness.”

“My neighbour doesn’t realise that I can suck my electricity back out of his car batteries if I can just get to the socket in the boot.”

“Other than that – I have got a candle to last us until bedtime.”

“I don’t think I will be able to sleep worrying what dawn will bring.”

“Would you like me to charge up your laptop, mobile, power bank ….?”

“Please!”

 

Photo by ‘The Daily Squabble’
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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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