Man shocked to learn that phone call from ‘TalkTalk’ was not a scam

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LOCAL resident amazed that muffled cold call actually did come from his internet service provider.

Olly Chuzzlewit said: “Nowadays, I have an automatic reflex action, when someone from ‘TalkTalk’ calls, to shout ‘F*ck off you scamming b*stard!’ down the phone.”

“Normally they ring from some dodgy Asian call centre using an ‘Out of Area’ number. They always want me to download some virus-ridden spy software onto my PC and give them all my bank details while they faithfully promise to give me some sort of random refund.”

“If I have time, it’s fun to play along with them for half-an-hour before giving them a slow countdown to hanging-up. They tend to get slightly hysterical at that stage. I almost feel sorry for them.”

“I was going to change my internet service provider due to all these scam calls, but as the entire criminal underworld seems to have already been given all my personal details – what’s the point?”

“This time I did notice that the phone number was ‘withheld’ rather than ‘out-of-area’ but I just thought the scammers had changed their modus operandi yet again. I gave my traditional robust reply to their opening introduction and thought nothing more about it until I received a letter from the actual company a few days later.”

“I had forgotten that I had applied online for a job in the official TalkTalk call centre and a lady had been calling to arrange an interview.”

Helen Scamwell, from the TalkTalk HR department, said: “We are still interested in talking to Mr Chuzzlewit. He answers the phone remarkably quickly and has broken the world record for average call handle time. He just needs to tone down his colourful vocabulary a little.”

“Now, please download some software onto your PC for me before entering your bank details and PIN – I want to progress a refund for you.”
Photograph: Public domain.

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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