LESS chance of turning into a shuffling, dribbling zombie.
Local man, Elgan Marbles, was so horrified when his wife, Stacey, asked him to accompany her to the latest mind-numbing piece of cinema tat that he signed up for the first thing he could find on the internet.
“I told Stacey that I would love to go with her to watch bloody Meryl Streep and Cher as her s*dding mother – her mother for f**ks sake ! – but I had previously volunteered for altruistic medical research.”
“I have no idea what the vaccine is that I have been injected with but the doctors said that there was only a 50% chance of turning into a cannibalistic zombie – like the ones that chase Will Smith in ‘I am Legend’.”
“I managed to avoid ‘Ocean’s 8’ by just giving blood but had to up the ante for this new turkey.”
“If it gets me out of watching dodgy Abba tributes staged in Croatia – I am willing to accept worse odds than that.”
“Croatia it is – not even Greece. I remember how we left the World Cup you know!”
The Daily Squabble asked medical researcher, Dr Anna Phylaxis, what benefits this cutting edge medical research might bring.
“It’s a vaccine for men,” explained Dr Phylaxis.
“It will make them much more tolerant of Pierce Brosnan’s singing.”
“We intend to strap all the patients into chairs and make them endlessly watch ‘Mamma Mia’ to gauge their reactions.”
“Between you and me,” confided Dr Phylaxis, “we have injected Mr Marbles with a placebo.”
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