REFUSE collections grind to a halt across Wales; empty bottles snatched back by desperate researchers.
Barry Brith, resident of Anglesey, rushed down the drive first thing this morning once he heard the bombshell about minimum pricing for alcohol sales in Wales.
His frantic rummage through the bins provided reassuring data.
“I discovered there were 9 units in a standard bottle of wine,” he said. “50p per unit – that’s £4.50. I can live with that.”
“On the way down to the bins I grubbed around in a hedgerow and found some elderberries in the hedgerow – that will sort me out for wine for now.”
“These plans are not so good for my wife though.”
“She often sobs hysterically after getting the ‘gin fears’ and now the fear that a bottle will cost at least £17 per litre is a very real one.”
“I reassured her that once we have to ‘dig for victory’ on an allotment after Brexit – we will probably be able to make some type of moonshine vodka from potatoes.”
“Never a day goes by when we aren’t shafted by the government in some way!”