MPs: ‘Fake News’ is upsetting people; that’s our job!

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“‘FAKE News’ is stealing our thunder,” complain MPs.

An urgent inquiry has been set up by a group of influential U.K. MPs into the proliferation of ‘Fake News’ channels on social media platforms.

Peregrine Snook, disgraced former MP and resident of Much Craplock, has been asked to chair the inquiry committee.

Mr Snook said: “MPs from all parties are furious about this new phenomenon of ‘Fake News’. The committee is concerned that politicians have been democratically elected to continually come up with stupid self-destructive plots and idiotic plans;  these ‘Fake News’ channels – by imagining the craziest scenarios they can come up with – are often accurately predicting our most deranged plans.”

“This is a threat to democracy!”

‘Fake News’ channels will let the cat out of the bag before MPs have the satisfaction of horrifying the continually shell-shocked public with their latest mad-cap proposals.”

“There is a real and present danger that ‘Fake News’ will undermine confidence in the legitimate media if it keeps predicting what is actually going to happen.”

‘Mallet’ Mike, ‘The Daily Squabble’s’ Editor-in-Chief, said: “Our articles are not ‘fake’, they’re hilarious satire. People don’t realise how difficult it is to write ludicrous news stories when it is official Government policy to act beyond the bounds of comical fantasy.”

“MPs are trying to put us out of business.”

“If we came up with a stupid headline like ‘Trident: Replaced by Remote-Controlled Nuclear Hamsters’ we would find out tomorrow that this was actually close to reality and the Government had been planning it for years. It would deliver the coup de grace to our comic authority by making its bizarre scheme even funnier by deploying gerbil-piloted drones of mass destruction.”

Peregrine Snook said: “We are going to identify those most likely to be misled by ‘Fake News’ and how best they can be protected.”

“Cod liver oil and Sudoku,” suggested ‘Mallet’ Mike. “They’re meant to increase intelligence!”

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Photograph by Sollok29 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
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About The Daily Squabble

Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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