RONALD McDONALD’S evil cousin to negotiate with disgruntled workers demanding £10 an hour and an end to zero-hour contracts.
Stacey Gubbins, McDonald’s team member in Cambridge, admitted to being intimidated when she first encountered the firm’s new HR Director.
“I saw something out of the corner of my eye in the laundry room,” said Stacey.
“I didn’t want to turn to look properly. I just wanted to run but I was mesmerised. There, behind the uniforms hanging on a washing line, was this awful clown.”
“It wasn’t just mildly sinister and unfunny like the old Ronald McDonald. This clown was evil.”
I tried to get out the door in a panic but it was locked! The clown introduced itself as Ms. Penelope Wise. She alleged she was the new HR Director and wanted a 1:1 with me.”
“I tried to explain to Ms. Wise we were all going on strike until we got the national living wage.”
“She explained that I wouldn’t need the living wage if I were unexpectedly dead.”
Gavin Rowlocks. a McDonalds trainee, said: “I saw the face of an evil clown leering up out of the chip fryer.”
“It clearly said ‘Hello, Gavin! Would you mind giving me a hand up out of this appliance?'”
“As it knew my name, I nearly fell for it’s friendly manner. Then I realised that it had read my name badge and was planning to drag me down beneath the boiling fat.”
Penelope Wise, AKA evil HR clown, said: “I don’t think the workers will think they are so badly off once they have attended my office for negotiations.”
“They will find me in a dimly lit cave down in the sewers. To get there, they will first have to negotiate fatbergs, piles of bones and bodies suspended from the ceiling wrapped in cobwebs.”
“One of them might be the same shape as Jeremy Corbyn but that’s just a coincidence.”
“Who is going to complain about their working conditions if they manage to escape from my sewer cave?”
“Zero hours will be the most popular of all contracts.”
By Martin SoulStealer from London, England (Pennywise II)
[CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons