New British snake-in-the-grass species discovered 'Brexitus johnsonii' previously thought to be sub-species of 'Twattus maximus'

Boris Johnson

SLIMY serpent slithers around Westminster back-seat-driving Brexit.

Snakes alive!

A new 5ft 7 inch British species of snake-in-the-grass has been discovered.

It is slightly greyer than it used to be while still displaying the yellow colour of its close reptilian cousins such as ‘Trumpus alarmus’.

Thought to be non-venomous, it specialises in back-seat-driving Brexit and composing 4,000 word aggravating essays full of archaic words such as ‘penumbra’ and ‘vassals’.

Its chief goal is to take back control of borders, p*ss on the European Court of Justice and seize a fabled £350 million per week, some of which theoretically could be spent on the NHS should it still exist in one or two years’ time.

It can be found in urban areas of South-East England slithering close to the banks of the Thames while gorging itself on publicity and frequently biting its leader on the arse.

 

Photographs:
Grass snake
https://pixabay.com/en/grass-snake-natrix-helvetica-snake-2104087/
Boris Johnson
https://www.flickr.com/photos/financialtimes/8577534646
Both modified by ‘The Daily Squabble’

 

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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