NHS: Government may outsource Children’s Wards to ‘Toys R Us’ Makes perfect financial sense!

COMPANY meets all Governmental Quality Checks on its Financial Stability.

The Department of Health has proudly unveiled a flagship proposal to raise the morale of the NHS’s mostly miserable nurses.

“What could cheer you up more than being surrounded by garishly coloured toys all day,” said Dr Cheryl Croak, a junior health minister.

“We have analysed the reasons behind the current haemorrhage of nursing staff and concluded that nurses aren’t depressed because of the punitive pay cap, over-work or lack of career prospects.”

“They are unhappy because they don’t have access to playful, colourful uniforms which the right private partner can provide.”

“With this innovative plan, nurses would be able to ditch their frumpy scrubs and choose to dress as Geoffrey the Giraffe, a Minecraft character or a Minion.”

“Why let the bankruptcy concerns of a parent company and a few rumours of administration get in the way of that?”

“I am sure we will also be able to source reasonably priced medical equipment from an extensive inventory of toys.”

“Those fidget spinners were originally for nutcases, right?”

“We could use light sabres for cauterisation and tiny little toy cameras to insert where the sun doesn’t shine.”

“Maybe the company could also expand into helping us with colonoscopies?”

“More like ‘Toys r in your anus’.”

 

Photo of Toys r us by:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toys_%22R%22_Us#/media/File:ToysRUsOntario4.jpg

Photo of ambulance

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ell-r-brown/19146701949

Both modified by ‘The Daily Squabble’

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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