‘No work possible – it’s January!’ confirms British Industry

BRITISH workers unfairly judged on productivity when UK calendar legitimately blocks out most working days.

Millions of tired and jaded British employees confirmed this morning that no work was physically possible for at least the next 4 weeks.

“This month is so depressing,” said Tracey Gubbins, a millennial office-worker. “The combination of a train-fare increase, terrible weather and credit-card bills wipes out any motivation.”

“There are a few stoic, optimistic individuals with an unquenched lust for life who could potentially do a little work – but they have all gone skiing.”

“And it’s not just January that’s a wash-out.”

“No-one can work in February due to the blessed trinity of pancake day, St, Valentine’s day and half-term.”

“March – St. Patrick’s day and there could be an early Easter.”

“April – school holidays and we can’t forget good old St. George’s Day.”

“May – half-term and Bank holiday.”

“June – covering for people who go on holiday before schools are out.”

“July / August – school holidays. All work is suspended.”

“September –  covering for people who go on holiday after schools go back.”

“October – Halloween and half-term”.

“November – depression before Christmas.”

“December – festive season.”

“Due to these compulsory rest days, it’s virtually impossible to book annual leave on enough potentially productive days.”

“I might have to roll some holiday over to next year.”

“Personally, I always recommend being in when your boss is away and vice versa to get a 12 week period of unsupervised bliss.”

“The major quandary for most British workers is whether to book actual Christmas week off. From the benefit of my experience, I would say ‘no’. A typical cabin-fever family Christmas is harder work than paid employment could ever be.”

“Cover a quiet office at Christmas with your undemanding colleagues: clementines, mince pies and Quality Street and save your leave for when it could get busy.”

 

Photo by Kamyar Rad from Pexels https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-macbook-pro-shoes-imac-36, 053/

 

 

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