HEAVIER passengers penalised in new airline charging scam.
Gavin Rowlocks, from Much Craplock, was shocked when he was forced to clamber onto the check-in scales, along with his luggage, by staff working for the much-maligned budget airline Trump-Jet.
“They said I was only allowed 90 kgs in total,” complained Mr Rowlocks. “And that included me.”
“As I weigh 120 kgs naked after a shave, a sh*t and a shower and my bag was 20 kgs, they said I was 50 kgs over my weight allowance”
“They fined me an extra £100”.
“The check-in assistant said that this ‘Fat flight tax’ was clearly displayed somewhere in Trump-Jet’s voluminous terms and conditions.”
Conor O’Toole, CEO of Trump-Jet, said: “A kilo is a kilo. Weight-challenged people drop our profits.”
“I have been really nice to my customers lately. I dropped charges for going to the toilet and scrapped our plan for standing seats. My shareholders think that I am losing my Midas touch.”
“Our new policy to charge customers by weight should really swell our bottom line.”
“We don’t discriminate. We are also persecuting some skinny customers too.”
“We have found that some lanky b*stards try to get around our extortionate luggage charges by wearing ten layers of clothing.”
“They won’t escape detection when we push them onto our scales.”
Gavin Rowlocks said: “After they had fined me for being ‘too heavy’, I was then squeezed into a ‘bag sizer.”
“They charged me extra for being both too tall and too wide.”
“To check in unchallenged I would have had to have been the size of a medium-sized rectangle weighing under 70 kilos.”
Conor O’Toole said: “We can easily justify this policy on the grounds on health and safety.”
“If you put too many fatties on the same side of the plane it can’t stay level. The aircraft tilts and everyone spills their very expensive drinks.”
“Passengers will soon still start complaining when their aircraft can do nothing but fly around in circles.”
Check in photograph by:
Woman with luggage