‘Perfect Report’ by Boundary Commission wipes out Jeremy Corbyn’s Constituency

Jeremy Corbyn

REPORT that proposes to wipe out Theresa May’s main opponents is just ‘happy coincidence’ say Senior Tories

Peregrine Snook, retired Tory MP, said: “This report is the best thing since I learnt I can buy a very decent bottle of Muscat from Lidl if I rush in and out while holding my breath”.

“It is absolutely not ‘Stalin-esque’ and was not all the idea of our Prime Minister.”

“It’s perfectly legitimate to scrap the constituencies of Jeremy Corbyn and Boris Johnson.”

“Nobody lives in these areas – they must be merged with more populous and sensible places.”

“Honestly, if you visit Islington or Uxbridge – they’re completely deserted.”

“The good ideas in this revolutionary report from the Boundary Commission keep coming thick and fast.”

“Fewer MPs in both Wales and Scotland – what’s not to love?”

“Personally I think the whole of the North of England should be merged into just one constituency centred somewhere relatively civilised like Harrogate.”

“If these changes had been imposed before the last election, the Tories would have won a landslide majority.”

“Q.E.D!”

“Get Boris to explain what that means when he is unemployed.”

 

Photo of Jeremy Corbyn by ‘The Daily Squabble’
‘No entry sign’ by Pixabay

 

 

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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