Postal Voters hope Election Candidates don’t become even more deranged Already shot their bolts!

Polling station
No U-Turns possible for Postal Voters

POSTAL voters throughout the nation have already cast their vote for the upcoming General Election.

Peregrine Snook, disgraced Tory ex-MP said: “It always makes one rather nervous voting this early in case your favoured candidate goes completely off the rails in the last week.”

“There is no mechanism to retrieve a postal vote.”

“How could I defend voting Tory if there was to be another disastrous ‘dementia tax’, screeching u-turn or car-crash Andrew Neil interview.”

“I can’t believe that Theresa has attacked her core voters with the ‘dementia tax’.”

“You have to be at least slightly demented to vote for her.”

“I have a postal vote because I am not quite sure what day of the week it is now – let alone when the election is.”

Barry Brith, local resident, said: “I have a postal vote mainly because I can mark my ballot paper at home with a sharpie. I don’t trust our polling station, which only comes supplied with little pencils.”

“I swear there is always an industrial box of pencil erasers under the attendant’s desk”.

“I am still not sure if my postal vote is actually counted”

“They probably judge that its ‘smudged’ and stick it straight in the shredder.”

“This one is a really interesting election. There’s a stark contrast between the main candidates.”

“We have shifty, weak and unstable leadership pitted against certain bankruptcy.”

“The other candidates are waste of time windbags with ridiculous proposals or are impotent nationalistic locals begging for a job.”

“I could post my vote for Labour tonight only to find out tomorrow that Corbyn proposes to re-nationalise BT and all the electricity companies as well as the railways.”

“The railways were thoroughly s**t before they were privatised so I can’t wait for a return to those ‘good old days'”.

“I was really hoping for a box on the ballot paper saying ‘I abstain / Don’t fancy yours much!'”


Photograph by secretlondon123 (Flickr: polling station) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons






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