CHRISTMAS EVE test run disastrously slow. Presents may not be delivered until May.
Santa Claus bitterly regrets trading in his traditional sleigh for a plug-in hybrid electric vehicle.
“If you had sat behind nine reindeer for as long as me,” said Santa, “you would be desperate for a low-emissions vehicle.”
“Reindeer refuse to eat anything but sphagnum moss and it doesn’t seem to agree with them.”
“A wily car salesman was more than willing to scrap my reindeer and sleigh in exchange for a hybrid SUV.”
“I also got a £2,500 grant from the government and a free home-charging point – even though my home is in the Arctic. LOL.”
“My problem is the range of my new electric vehicle.”
“It only does 33 miles – and that’s in the height of the summer – before needing to be charged for 3.5 hours.”
“I will be lucky to get 20 on a cold, frosty Christmas Eve.”
“Best case predictions are that it will now take me 126 days to circumnavigate the earth.”
“I will also have to charge it 754 times – spending 2,639 hours in motorway service stations eating pastries from Greggs.”
“That’s a lot of sausage rolls – and, as I am gluten-intolerant, it’s not going to help with greenhouse gases.”
Santa photo by ‘The Daily Squabble’.