Scottish Fishermen protect cod stocks by fitting them with USB sticks 'Data is the only thing the government cares about!'

DWINDLING shoals protected by liberal downloads of Facebook data.

Arbroath Fisherman, Gordon ‘Smokie’ McTavish, has single-handedly protected Scottish fish-stocks from marauding EU trawlers. He has fitted each unfortunate fish with a USB copy of all his friends’ personal Facebook data.

“I am sure my pals won’t me data harvesting their political leanings,” he said. “Best use for some fuzzy pictures of ugly babies, tedious food snaps and some fairly racist rants.”

“As the government won’t protect our few remaining fish during the Brexit transition period – we have to do it ourselves.”

“British politicians are extremely sensitive about the misuse and uncontrolled transmission of data because most UK data demonstrates how incredibly crap they are.”

“It never takes much to get the Information Commissioner interested. She will soon come sniffing around my fishy creels brandishing a warrant to seize my scaly assets.”

“I have strapped a floppy disc to a crab and a DVD on a dab to throw her off the scent.”

“Some self-publicising tw*t from the Digital, Culture, Media and Sport Committee has also been on the phone.”

“Once I told him the data was from Facebook – he went away really happy. Another chance to get on the front pages.”

“Might get that interview with Zuckerberg now.”

“If I owned Facebook, I wouldn’t even bother changing out of my t-shirt for that lot.”

 

Photo of cod
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/19/Portrait_of_Cod.jpg
Modified by ‘The Daily Squabble’

 

 

 

 

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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