ALLEGATIONS of ministerial competency by retired Scotland Yard Detective.
The political world was rocked today, when a former police officer alleged that a routine service of a laptop indicated that it belonged to a competent MP.
“I couldn’t believe the contents,” explained retired Detective Inspector Fanny Fuzz.
“I have a contract to go around the House of Commons cleaning MP’s laptops.”
“That sounds like an IT job, but usually it just involves a strong stomach, an e-cloth and a bottle of Dettol.”
“I can usually free up a lot of memory by deleting all the photos of nurses, doctors, firefighters and police officers in non-standard uniforms.”
“When it came to this particular laptop – I was stunned to find a sensible calculation of the Brexit divorce bill and a workable solution to the Northern Ireland border issue.”
“Even better, both proposals would infuriate Nigel Farage.”
The Department of Trade and Industry criticised the leak of this sensitive, confidential information.
“If everyone thought we had competent MPs, it might ruin Britain’s burgeoning satire industry.”
“I am sure this laptop can’t be one of ours.”
“Maybe Laura Kuenssberg dropped it?”
Photo by https://picjumbo.com/
Edited by ‘The Daily Squabble’