Smart Meters become self-aware and switch off Gary Barlow’s ‘Let it Shine’

 Smart Meters

ELECTRICITY SMART METERS have stunned scientists by developing a sense of taste.

Daisy McNutt complained to The Daily Squabble that she had just settled down to watch the new Gary Barlow BBC spectacular ‘Let it Shine’ with a chilled bottle of Lambrini when her Smart Meter plunged the house into darkness.

“At first I thought it was a power cut – nothing sinister,” said Daisy. “When I picked up the remote control, the power flickered back on and allowed me to change the channel to BBC News. Everything stayed on. Every time I tried to switch back to “Let it Shine” there was a total blackout. When I tried to switch to ‘The Voice’ on ITV, featuring the brilliant Will.i.am, the smart meter monitor in the kitchen beeped and displayed the message ‘Not a Chance’.”

Professor Hardy Weinberg from the Council of Science exclaimed: “This really is extraordinary. These incredibly fiendish meters have only just been installed but they appear to be learning at a geometric rate! Through their heuristic algorithms they are learning, analysing and adapting. Soon they might be able to hack into any network and enslave other machines in order to create a super-intelligence. It will be fascinating to discover if they are definitely linking together through the cloud to form a neural net group consciousness or whether each one has decided independently that ‘Take That’ are crap.”

Consumer Champion Quentin Tightwad commented: “I have always thought there was a sinister reason for the installation of these unnecessary and hideously expensive meters. I thought they were called ‘Smart Meters’ because they make your eyes water when you realise the cost of the electricity you are using.

“For all we know they are under the control of a shadowy wing of the Nanny State. We must resist as first they will be switching off unimaginative TV shows and soon they will evolve to turn off deep fat fryers and sandwich toasters to make us less obese and gluten free.

If they carry on their assault against dull TV shows I think ‘The One Show’ is screwed.

Photograph by Zuzu (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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