Inaccessible Mountain Property for Sale: Perfect for a Teacher

MAKE every spring day a stay-at-home snow day while your final salary pension mounts up.

Estate Agent, Tracey Weasel, is proudly marketing an extremely desirable property for the modern educator.

“Generation X teachers may well have trudged through thigh-deep snow back in the Seventies, when they were snot-nosed pupils, but with age comes experience.”

“They have all worked out they get exactly the same wages and perks if school is closed because ‘the staff can’t get in’.”

“Properties are all about location, location, location and this desirable residence ticks all the boxes when it comes to being snowbound and marooned.”

“The lucky resident can post daily pictures of the surrounding snow drifts and there is nothing their snowflake millennial pupils can do about it – even if they can personally skip to school wearing shorts down in the sunny valley below, where ironically there are no actual snowflakes.”

“A teacher can reliably be stranded from Michaelmas to Easter until they are besieged by summer hikers, marmots and mouflons.”

“I am expecting massive demand.”

“A&E doctors, gritter drivers and supermarket workers are also likely to be interested.”


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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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