Solar Eclipse USA: Thousands flock to Wyoming to ‘watch’ something you can’t look at

Solar eclipse
Don’t look, whatever you do!

RARE celestial event dims sun for 2 minutes similar to the normal 8 hours of an average moonlit night.

Today, thousands of amateur geek astronomers got over-excited over yet another underwhelming space spectacle.

Gavin Rowlocks travelled 4,300 miles from his comfortable house in Much Craplock to be ripped off by a heavily-armed, hillbilly, campsite owner somewhere down in deepest, darkest Wyoming.

“When we got here they had run out of eclipse glasses,” said Mr Rowlocks. “I wasn’t going to risk viewing an eclipse with my naked eyes yet again. I still have a permanent image of the last partial eclipse burnt onto the back of my retinas.”

“When it finally went dark for 2 minutes I barged to the front of a hostile, sweaty crowd who were hunched around a tiny pinhole image projected onto a piece of wobbly cardboard.”

“There were hundreds of biologists at the campsite as this spectacle provides an extra-special research opportunity to observe how birds and mammals react when the moon’s shadow blots out most of the sun’s light, in the middle of the day, for one minute 36 seconds.”

“It’s fascinating how different species react to an eclipse. Apparently, during the last total eclipse, a hippo in a zoo briefly paused and may have looked slightly nervous. A pair of beavers at the same establishment didn’t bother waking up.”

“Today, all around me in the gloom, there were grunting noises as hippy couples frantically tried to conceive children during the 2 minutes of totality”.

“I think they believed that any resultant child might possess extraordinary spiritual powers.”

“I would be concerned that any ‘eclipse offspring’ might be rather over-rated and just a little bit dim.”

“Viewing an eclipse through a pinhole camera reminds me of when I took my wife to an IMAX cinema for the first time and she proceeded to tear up a tissue and stuff pieces of it in her ears – because it was all ‘too loud’.”

“I used the same trick when I went to Glastonbury this year – but only when Ed Sheeran was playing.”

“My rudimentary ear-plugs definitely improved the whole experience.”


Photograph by National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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