Tories forced to cooperate with MPs who have morals! 'The only way is DUP'

Westminster Palace
Westminster Palace in power-sharing pickle

AWKWARD political power share limps forward.

Senior Tories are furious that they may have to endure lectures on religion and morals from their new political bed-partners, the little known Democratic Unionist Party.

Peregrine Snook, retired Tory MP said: “The Conservatives didn’t rise to be the most supported party in the land by paying any attention to archaic religious beliefs.”

“We shouldn’t be forced to do this now, just because a load of students kicked us up the arse in revenge for their loans.”

“I am fine with some of the old Testament stuff – ‘an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’ but when it comes to universal love and respect for all people – how does that fit with Brexit and our other policies?”

“Tories and the DUP don’t see eye-to-eye on a host of matters.”

“Killing of unborn children – we’re not too bothered. They would probably have been Labour supporters if allowed to live.”

“Screwing over our core-vote pensioners by removing the triple-lock. We would do this in the blink of an eye if they didn’t have votes.”

“Steal your house when you go demented. It’s a manifesto commitment!”

“Why should we have to review our new policies in the light of ancient commandments?”

A DUP spokesperson said: “It won’t be easy for us either.”

“We used to believe that nothing evolved from primeval slime.”

“Boris Johnson and Theresa May have both made us reconsider our long-held stance on Creationism.”

“No God could be that cruel!”


Photograph by Me haridas (Own work) [GFDL ( or CC BY-SA 4.0-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons



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