TSB adverts to feature even thinner customers following banking crisis

SOME CUSTOMERS unable to buy food following IT fiasco

TSB adverts are allegedly being redrafted to feature characters that are even more skinny following the digital banking crisis.

“Totally Sh*t Bank. That’s what it stands for,” said Gavin Rowlocks, who has been unable to access money for food since last Friday.

“I always wondered why their adverts featured bizarrely etiolated customers and now I know why.”

“They probably shouldn’t feature children in their next advertising campaign – because they will all have been eaten in real life.”

“I don’t know what they are complaining about,” said TSB bank clerk, Bernard Weasel. “The primary function of a bank is to keep their customers’ money safe and we have kept it extremely safe – even beyond the reach of legitimate customers.”

“When customers reap the benefit from losing a few pounds of excess flab, they will thank us.”

“We have saved them a fortune on other ways.”

“Who needs a Fitbit to lose weight when our free banking app effectively does the same thing?”

TSB advert parodied by ‘The Daily Squabble’

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Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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