WARNING: Your Baby’s ‘Sophie the Giraffe’ Toy might be Full of Giraffe!

giraffe-after-flattening-2

HORRIFIED young mum, who cut into a ‘Sophie the Giraffe’ rubber chew toy, alleges she actually found a live giraffe!

Glamorous young mum, Holly Hornswoggle, noticed that the air, coming out of the hole in her baby’s ‘Sophie the Giraffe’ toy, smelt musty. She sliced the toy in two – probably resulting in her child needing therapy for the rest of his life –  and was shocked by what she found.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was expecting to find black mould as reported by other young mums, who let their babies wantonly drool all over their toys, but instead I found an actual live baby giraffe. It just sat there and blinked at me. Cheeky little blighter!”

Ms Hornswoggle added: “I think the little air hole in the toy is what allowed it to breathe. Maybe they use a tiny live giraffe at the factory to check that all Sophies are anatomically correct? I bet somebody is missing it.”

Consumer Champion, Quentin Tightwad, said: “This is a triumph for EU labelling regulations. The label on the toy clearly says ‘Chewy giraffe’ and that’s precisely what she got.”

Nutrition consultant, Anna Phylaxis, said: “I can’t see what all the fuss is about. Giraffe is extremely nutritious. It’s (usually) free-range and low carb – extremely low in fat. You don’t see many obese lions do you? It’s an approved meat for a paleo diet. If the toy had been found to be stuffed with wheat or dairy – then I would have been horrified.”

Ms Hornswoggle said: “I am so furious that my baby chewed on a toy containing flesh – I am bringing up little Noah as a hipster, paleo vegan.”

The Daily Squabble reached out to the makers of ‘Sophie the Giraffe’ for comment, by shouting out of an upper-floor window, but we have not heard back as of yet.

We asked Gavin Rowlocks to comment on the giraffe-gate scandal. “I think she put that in herself,” he said.  She simply nipped out the back door, selected the smallest giraffe she could find, and stuffed it where the sun doesn’t shine. She’s after the compo!”

“I am always shoving a slug in my packet of garden peas or a parasitic nematode in my fish fingers. If you take it back  to the right supermarket you get ‘refund and replace’. Saves a fortune on groceries.”

The Daily Squabble asked Ms Hornswoggle exactly where the giraffe was now.

She said: “Immediately after I took the photo, it kicked its way free from confinement, jumped off the table and cantered out through my cat flap – hotly pursued by Mr Tiddles.”

“It’s probably shacked up in the woods now with that miniature purple dinosaur and garish little horse, who did precisely the same thing!”

“No-one warned me about this at ante-natal classes!”

 

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Giraffe on straw photograph by https://www.flickr.com/photos/78134895@N03/
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/78134895@N03/13090285544
Modified by “The Daily Squabble”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About The Daily Squabble

Satirical comedy newspaper edited by 'Mallet' Mike. Documenting the lives and opinions of the fictional villagers of Much Craplock.

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