EX-HURRICANE Ophelia messes up tactical transport plans.
Gavin Rowlocks, amateur petrol-head, was looking forward to showing off his glossy new winter tyres.
“Look at the rugged treads, caress the softer rubber, admire their snow-shedding channels.”
“Apparently, the channels in them are ‘sipes’ or ‘Wesleys’ as I like to call them.”
“They are more harm than good if the temperature stubbornly remains above 7 degrees.”
“I might have to pop my tyres in the freezer to firm up their wobbly treadblocks before giving them a spin around the block.”
“Thanks to ex-Ophelia, the sun has been turned by Saharan dust and Iberian forest fires into a fuzzy orange disc, we have endured violent wind and temperatures have soared.”
“It all reminded me of Boris Johnson’s appearance at the Tory party conference.”
“As it’s so mild, my winter tyres behave more like Theresa May. They understeer with a surprising amount of lateral roll exhibiting far less grip than expected. They squirm when put under pressure.”
“A car crash waiting to happen.”
“Ice cream anyone?”
Photograph by ‘The Daily Squabble’